One part of being a parent is arranging playdates with your kids’ friends. It’s not always easy; parents don’t always make friends as easily as kids do. Still, around 43% of parents say “yes” to playdates when they stay themselves. And only 22% let their kids go to playdates alone.
This woman, however, didn’t let the mom know her daughter was coming over for a playdate. When the girl came to her during pick-up at school, she was mildly surprised. But when her mother wouldn’t pick up the phone or her daughter hours later, the mom had had enough and threatened to call CPS.
RELATED:A mom got a surprise one day when she was picking her daughter up from school
Her daughter’s classmate claimed they were supposed to have a playdate, but the mom knew nothing about it
People pleasing can cause lots of regrets, so it’s useful to learn how to say a firm “no”
The author of this post writes how she often gets in these types of situations because she finds it hard to say “no”. This can be even harder when dealing with parents in your close network; you never know when you might need a favor or help yourself.
But people pleasing is rarely a good thing. And the author herself admits that in her post, saying how she regrets picking up “May” and breaking a promise to her own daughter. This is one of the advantages of learning to say “no”, as experts say that it minimizes regret.
“Being able to say no to people means that you’ll have more time to devote your energy to the things that really matter to you,” according to Elizabeth Scott, PhD.
But that’s not the only advantage of learning to say “no”. It also demonstrates that you know how to set clear boundaries. Saying “no” when people keep taking your help for granted lets them know how you expect to be treated.
If the person we keep saying “yes” to is someone who bothers us constantly, then saying “no” to them might even lessen our feelings of resentment towards them. “If you say yes when you really want to say no, you may end up resenting the person who made the request,” Scott explains.
Saying “no” politely is almost an art form. You have to be assertive, but respectful. You have to express gratitude but know how to let them down gently. Jonathan Hermida, PCC, recommends being straightforward and offering a short, simple explanation. “The more often you say no, the easier it becomes,” he points out. “Practice assertiveness in all areas of your life until the new habit feels familiar.”
Parents are not obligated to always agree to do playdates
Playdates are a great way for kids to socialize. It’s also an opportunity for parents to have a few hours for themselves, as the other parents can watch them for the time of the playdate. However, as a parent, you might not want to organize playdates with every parent that you meet. So, how do you politely decline a playdate invitation?
International Nanny Association credentialed nanny Michelle LaRowe Conover writes that offering a reasonable excuse might help. Say that you’re busy at that time, but don’t mention anything about a rain check. The last thing you want is for the other parents to think: “Maybe another time.”
Wanting to spend more time as a family is always a good excuse. “Most parents will respect a need for family time, especially if they’re feeling the same pressure,” Conover writes.
Lying about why you don’t want to attend a playdate, according to her, never plays out well. Even if honesty might hurt some feelings, it’s still better than risking getting caught lying that it’s your child who doesn’t want in on the playdate or that you have some important family function.
“Making up stories that are easily seen through makes you look dishonest and careless, so it’s best to stick as close to the truth as possible without being confrontational or needlessly hurtful,” Conover concludes.
The mom mostly regretted letting her daughter down: “I’m going to make it up to her big time”
People in the comments wondered where the school was in all of this, as most schools don’t allow parents to pick up children who aren’t theirs
