Everyone deals with grief differently. Some might experience a sense of numbness, whereas others might feel many emotions all at once. Nobody’s sorrow is more important than another’s, but sometimes, people may not take the feelings of younger folks seriously.
This is exactly what happened when a teen was grieving the passing of her father. Instead of giving her the space to mourn, her stepmother asked her to look after her stepbrother. She blatantly disregarded the emotions of the young woman.
More info: Reddit
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The teen shared that she had lost her dad and that he was her safe place as her relationship with her mom was strained and she never bonded with her stepmom
At his funeral, she was a wreck, but her stepmom, Stacy, pulled her aside and asked her to look after her stepbrother as she wanted to go around and greet people
The poster initially thought her stepmom was joking, but she soon realized Stacy was serious and was disregarding her grief
The teen put her foot down and confronted Stacy on her actions, but the rest of the family felt that she was being immature and sided with the stepmom
The poster was already going through a difficult time after having lost her father. She also did not have a close relationship with her mother or with her stepmother. In fact, her connection with her stepmom Stacy and stepbrother Adam hadn’t ever strengthened, so she did not feel that close to either of them.
Usually, when people feel dislike or resentment toward their stepparent, it is due to the newness of the relationship. Slowly, as the child adjusts to their new family dynamics, they might be able to bond with their parent’s partner and build a connection with them. If the negative feelings persist, it’s better to open up about them to an adult and figure out why that is.
It’s clear to see that at the funeral, Stacy felt that her feelings of sorrow were more important than those of her stepdaughter. She was more focused on having enough time to greet people and socialize than checking to see if the OP was doing okay after having lost her dad. This blatant invalidation of the teen’s feelings caused her a lot of pain.
To get a better insight into this situation,We reached out toLinda Kaiser, the founder of a non-profit called Parents for Window Blind Safety. She said that some “adults think that teens and children are resilient and grieve quickly and faster than adults. This can lead to dismissing grief symptoms that are being processed over time.”
“The reality is that children and teens process grief extremely slowly. It is not until they get to adulthood that they can fully process grief in their childhood. Adults expect them to be strong. Putting responsibilities on them to keep them busy to avoid the pain. Not allowing them time to grieve will prolong their pain.”
“Kids need time to grieve. If they don’t want to clean their room or do the dishes or chores for a few weeks, that is okay. Let them take that time,” Linda added.
According to experts, people need to be respectful and show compassion to kids who are grieving. They mourn just like adults do. Unfortunately, some older people may end up disregarding the feelings of younger folks, which is not the right approach to such a sensitive situation.
Along with putting her own grief above that of the poster, Stacy expected her to babysit her stepbrother so that she could talk to people. She didn’t realize how painful it must be for the OP to be attending her dad’s funeral and felt okay to ask her such a silly favor at a difficult time.
This type of behavior is exactly why many grieving children often feel lonely. When they realize that people are not taking their feelings seriously, it might feel isolating and like nobody is there to give them space to express their loss. People need to realize that by acknowledging the hurt and pain the kid is feeling, they’ll feel supported and cared for.
The teen soon realized how inconsiderate her stepmom was being and stood up to her. She told Stacy that she had only known her late husband for five years, whereas he had raised her her entire life. This altercation did not go down well, and folks called out the OP for being “selfish” and “immature” instead of understanding why she did what she did.
Linda mentioned that there are “supportive things adults can do to help teens, like creating a safe space for teens to express their emotions. Offering no advice unless asked; they don’tneed a lecture, and they don’t need to relate to your feelings. They just need someone to hear them.”
“Don’t force them to talk if they do not want to. Instead, try using creative outlets like painting, drawing, music, or journaling. Physical contact is so important since grief is also physical.”
“When we lose someone, there’s a clear disconnect between our emotional and rational minds. We’re literally not in our ‘right’ heads, so to speak. If we don’t feel supported or validated by others who are going through the same loss, it’s important to remember that both sides might not be thinking clearly, especially while dealing with all that pain,” Linda explained.
Although the poster must have never wanted to cause such a scene at her dad’s funeral, her act of standing up to her stepmom was extremely brave. By setting boundaries with the woman, she helped protect herself and made Stacy question her own actions.
How would you have handled the situation if you were in the poster’s place? Let us know your thoughts in the comments.
People were shocked by the stepmom’s thoughtless behavior and felt the poster had done nothing wrong
