When I was a teenager, I kept countless secrets from my parents. I concocted elaborate stories about where I was and who I was with to conceal the truth many times, and it’s probably best that they never find out what I was actually up to. Nowadays, however, I feel like I can share almost anything with my family. We’re all adults, and I don’t have anything to hide. But if you do, you’re not alone…
Redditors have recently been exposing the juiciest secrets that they’ll never reveal to family members. Some of this information is concealed because it’s not exactly PG, and other secrets are kept to avoid hurting Mom and Dad’s feelings. But there’s nothing wrong with sharing these truths anonymously online! Enjoy reading through the replies, and be sure to upvote the ones you’d keep from your parents as well.
#1
I actually enjoy pineapples on pizza. There, I said it. It’s not a phase, it’s just who I am now.
#2
That I’m in debt because my business is struggling (clients are struggling too so paying bills late) they think I’ve lost so much weight because I’m dieting when in reality it’s because I can’t afford food. Any money I get in I buy my dogs food so he never goes hungry. He always has a full belly and that’s the only thing that matters. .
#3
My buddy Jake invited me to his church’s trivia night, and I figured, “Sure, I’ll pretend to know Bible stuff if it means I get unlimited slices of pepperoni.” Things were going great until one trivia question asked, “What’s the fastest-growing Christian denomination?”
Being the self-proclaimed king of useless knowledge, I muttered, “Probably the Mormons. Those guys are grinding harder than a Call of Duty streamer.”
Turns out, I was right. Pastor Dan, the youth pastor , overheard me and started asking questions like I was some Mormon historian. Now, I’m not Mormon, but thanks to a deep dive into Wikipedia after watching The Book of Mormon musical, I had random facts locked and loaded. So I started rambling about Joseph Smith, golden plates, and how Mormons don’t do coffee but somehow still have the energy of caffeinated squirrels.
Apparently, Pastor Dan was fascinated. He started asking me more questions, and since my brain is 80% trivia facts and 20% anxiety, I just kept going. I figured he’d forget about it.
Fast forward a few weeks: Jake tells me Pastor Dan has been deeply researching Mormonism… like, full-on studying their theology, reading the Book of Mormon, and apparently vibing with it.
Then, last week, Jake drops this bomb: “Dude… Pastor Dan just announced he’s converting.”
I went to church for free pizza and accidentally built a Mormon.
TLDR Got free pizza, dropped some random Mormon facts, and now there’s one less youth pastor and one more guy preparing to bike across America in a white shirt and tie.
#4
I make my living owning and running a small business that designs and sells custom plushies and apparel.
My family thinks I make my money crocheting, and I do make a few bucks here and there from my yarn work, but the absolute vast majority of my income comes from the custom made latex fetishwear and kink gear I produce.
#5
That I love my dogs more than I do some of my brothers and sisters.
#6
That sometimes I wish my parents were divorced so that I could visit my mom without having to see my dad at the same time.
EDIT: Holy c**p, had no idea so many people relate to this! I feel a bit less like a freak.
#7
Nothing makes me happy anymore and I wish I would just not wake up.
#8
I draw furry kink smut for a living and make more than I would if I worked full-time retail.
I’m my own boss, I work from home, and the clients are generally FAR kinder than when I worked for firms as a designer.
I just tell them I’m a freelance illustrator/graphic designer and “I’m working on” posting my work online.
#9
I was a s******r for two years. Paid cash for college. 25 years later, no one knows.
#10
I do not believe in God and I smoked weed with my youth pastor on Wednesday nights when you made me go to church.
Shoutout to pastor Dave.
#11
The reason I didn’t have my mom come with me after I miscarried my baby was because after surgery I knew she would have asked for my pain killers. She made it always about her and she’s the reason I have so much trauma.
#12
That I don’t really enjoy life but rather just existing when I’m not in their presence so essentially putting on a happy face when I’m around them. I would never self harm since I know how much that would hurt them but damn do the days feel long sometimes.
#13
Getting a vasectomy at 24. Sorry mom and dad, you can’t pressure me into giving you grandkids now.
#14
That I literally hate them all. They’re soul sucking leaches whom don’t care about anyone other than themselves. I’ve been there for them all emotionally and financially, as soon as I got a separation after a 9 year marriage they all disappeared. I’m starting my life over with absolutely no support. I just got into medical school and I haven’t told any of them because they wouldn’t give a s**t….
#15
That I make a lot more money than they think I do. Worked in education for years and then went into consulting. I live beneath my means, rent a modest house, and have been able to build my savings. They all still assume I live on a similar salary and I just let them think that.
#16
I secretly made millions and will never tell them..
#17
Wife and I were swingers for a time . Went to a large weekend party. At one point we see my parents checking in. Needless to say we made a quick exit.
#18
I was a s*x worker for 2 years to help pay my husband’s debts, buy a new car and get out of where we were living. More specifically men paid me to breastfeed them as I was 8 months post partum.
It’s our dirty little secret because it got us to where we are now.
#19
Most of them know I did escorting. Most don’t know that the majority of my customers were lonely middle-aged gay men. I was not out banging tons of hot chicks or lonely hot mammas.
#20
That as a straight guy, secure of my sexuality and gender, I already used eyeliner, lipstick and painted nails. Nothing to write home about, except I felt WAY too comfortable in that, more than just looking goth. I’m a long haired guy, so we all know where this is going.
Taking this to my grave, when it comes to my family knowing. Basically, I am SO into women that I felt kinda comfortable looking like one for a couple hours.
#21
If I’m being totally honest, I’ve probably skipped a few family gatherings just to binge-watch shows in peace. Like, you know when you just need me time? Yeah, I’ve used that as an excuse a couple of times. My family would lose it if they knew, but hey, sometimes you gotta recharge!
#22
That I’m attracted to black women……I come from a racist family.
#23
After trying my whole life to believe they were decent people that loved me, I realize that my family is a bunch of self absorbed, idiotic, a******s that are too afraid to improve themselves for fear of losing their ideas of who they are.
#24
I know they like to gossip about me because they do it about each other, too. They’re a big bunch of crabs in a bucket. Therefore, I lie about important things in my life sometime. It’s hilarious to hear my dad’s sisters talk like they know me when they are repeating a lie.
#25
That I quit college 33 hours away from my degree and never graduated. It was Mechanical Engineering, and I hated every bit of it. I was only in it because my parents paid the bill and forced me. Now I do really well financially in IT. But I feel like this lie coming to light would tear my family apart.
#26
I’d never tell my father that his alcoholic second wife (my first step mum), came on to me one night when he was out working, and she was drunk. I was 15 years old – less than a year after they were married.
#27
These other answers are so much more intense than mine!
My little secret is that ever since i stopped using birth control (as i am both single and a lesbian, i no longer saw the point), my sexual appetite has gone trough the roof, i have never experienced this before.
For 1 week a month, i will just be going about my day, when suddenly i get insanely h***y?
It does make me feel lonely though, as i have no one to share this with. Hands and fingers it is!
#28
I like to occasionally sneak out of the house, and wear a speedo to the beach or pool to tan my legs better.
I’m an American man, married to a woman for 25 years, heterosexual, father, and shamed into covering my body from the waist down in as much fabric as possible in or near the water.
#29
I pawned my parents’ wedding rings (they were divorced already and my mom kept them) to pay for college applications and an eighth of sour diesel. It eventually got them to stop having revenge s*x bc they blamed each other for the rings’ absence and I’m 37 credit hours in lol I felt like a little s**t for doing it but god my parents hate each other til this day and im almost finished with my degre. Salubrious af for me.
#30
I had s*x with an exchange student my grandmother was hosting (I was 16, she was 17) a week before she met my uncle, whom she married soon after, thus becoming my aunt.
Edit: they are now divorced and she is a US citizen and small business owner. The small business is a B**M shop.
#31
After the way, she treated me I’m not gonna be the one to take care of mom. I’m definitely not gonna do it so that my younger brother can inherit the house after she passes.
#32
That I am broke.
My family always talk about how proud they are of me to be where I am, but I have not been to work in months struggling with ongoing mental struggles, and I am completely broke and struggling to buy food for myself.
#33
I had s*x with a stranger on a train in France (🇫🇷 Paris bound) and we never spoke. Avoir!
#34
Had an abortion at age 22 after getting knocked up (consensually, but was on birth control so BIG SHOCK) by the alcoholic, gambling a****t music pastor at my church. My family, and his, are both deeply religious. I’ll take this to my grave, thanks.
#35
That I really wish my parents didn’t have any children, including me. They are not bad people, but just really bad parents.
#36
I’m still living with my husband even though they thought we split 7 years ago. They live in a separate town and don’t really give a toss about me. We’re just roommates as we’re too old to start again. We share all the bills. It’s easy this way.
#37
I’m afraid.
i’m afraid that at 55 with cancer i am unemployable if i were to lose my job. i’m afraid that i won’t make it to 67, and am afraid that i will lose my company life insurance, leaving my daughter with nothing.
i worry now that i have damaged my kidneys, i just want this to end one way or the other.
#38
I’m a dad.
In the months before lockdown, I was in London for some work and I (23M) matched with a woman on Tinder (27F) and we ended up hooking up. to be honest i did fall for this girl but, after our thing she went quite for months.
then, 6 months later (by this time during-lockdown) i got a message from her confessing she was pregnant and married. she did not want anything from me and explained i was nothing but an unwitting s***m donor.
few months later i got an anonymous email with a picture of the baby, but have heard nothing since then.
#39
That my older sister SA’d me when we were kids.
she passed away a few years back and my family kind of deified her. feels like they’d never believe me anyway if i told them.
#40
The fact that the scratches and wounds on my arm are not from my cat, but from periods of absolute despair.
#41
Had a summer job in college when I was 20. Hooked up with a woman who was 27, and who in hindsight was definitely lying about 1)being separated from her husband and 2) being on birth control. (I was really naive.) Next time I came home from college I found out *from my mom* that the woman had had a miscarriage, “which is weird because wasn’t she separated from her husband…?”.
#42
I used to hook up with the college girl nextdoor while I was a minor.
#43
I found my parents wills and steamed them open to see which brother gets the most and yes, the youngest (me) does.
#44
The real reason I couldn’t afford my motorcycle anymore and had to sell it is because in my new city I didn’t have access to that mechanic I was sleeping with before.
Sorry dad.
#45
I was being SA and unwanted physical contact by some family members. i was too stunned and dont think their mom or dad believe in me if i told so.
#46
That I am not as strong as they all think I am. Everyone counts on me, I am the head of the family, but not because I am the oldest.
#47
I’ve been hooking up with a girl who identifies as a lesbian and doesn’t really respect men. She feminizes and dommes the ever living daylights out of me.
#48
I cannot and will not share with them the amount of pain I am in day to day. Long covid has impacted my life immensely. Getting care has been hard, but for them – I put it away, smile, and do the best I can to be happy and positive. I am hopeful I’ll be able to get help soon.
#49
I don’t have it in me to tell my very Catholic mother I’m gay. I’m 34, and somehow, my mom has never questioned why my “girlfriend” is always at work when she visits.
#50
I can’t really gripe to my wife and kids that my job is challenging, our fiances are precarious, and that meeting the considerable financial and time demands of modern parenting while meeting the constant demands of work are nearly impossible.
i feel like a could use an assistant just to reach all the email/text/voicemails from my kids schools and i could use a driver just to get everyone to all the places they need to be.
just grin and bear it.
#51
My first wife had an abortion. It was mine. We were both alcoholics in a toxic codependent relationship and didn’t want a baby to be part of that. We divorced a couple years later.
I’m sober and happily remarried now, but still no kids.
Dinklife. 🤷♂️.
#52
I’m Hispanic and I refuse to date another Hispanic because, well. You’d be scared to end up with my dad too.
#53
I started sleeping with a 50-60 year old when I was 20 and I still sleep with them once in a while to this day.
#54
I hate being a single mom, dating after divorce is a dumpster fire.
#55
Every few months when life is getting on top of me I make an excuse to visit my old city and just go on a multiple day class A d**g binge. Anything and everything except cr**k (I can’t take the immediate need for more). I’m sure I come back to town looking haggard as f**k and usually tell a small part of the story and put it all down to drinking but no, I am indeed doing up to 5 d***s at a time in the worst possible accommodation I can find, and then wandering the city streets being a complete degenerate until the sun comes up.
I hang with the homeless, get into trouble, visit bars and clubs I’d never usually visit, lower my standards and inhibitions sexually and generally just risk my life and sanity for a few days before going back to my normal mundane life surrounded by boring people and pretending nothing ever happened.
It’s literally full moon wolf mode s**t lmfao. As crazy and risky as it sounds, I used to think about s*****e ALOT. Now I would never consider harming myself (intentionally), I just plan my next binge lol.
Sometimes it’s 3 months in between, sometimes it’s 3 years – but it’s always on the menu. Always an option. And always a better option than letting myself get so down I consider s*****e.
#56
My partner and I practice a dom/sub relationship and are into B**M in the bedroom.
#57
I “dated” my 55 yo landlady in college. I was 21. At the same time I “dated” her 25 yo (oldest) daughter, and her 22 yo (youngest) daughter. And when she came to visit, I also “dated” my landlady’s 47 yo (younger) sister. It all came at me like an avalanche. It was like I never had a minute to myself. I barely had time to put my clothes on and go to school or go to work. I never tried to hide it, I just never talked about it, and it just kept happening. I just kept diving in and doing it, and it went on for three years. I kept wondering when the daughters would finally go get boyfriends, but they just kept showing up at my door. It didn’t stop until I graduated college and moved away. I think it skewed my perspective on life, and I couldn’t really have a serious genuine love relationship until I was in my 40s.
#58
I have a friend who visited me recently and stayed at my house. My parents think we met at a car meet in Canada because we both own the same model of car. We actually met on FetLife. No, we’re not dating or hooking up, just regular friends who happened to meet in a non socially acceptable manner.
#59
My husband cheated on me and moved out to go and live with his w***e for a week, and I took him back.
#60
I do p**n? That’d probably make Christmas dinner a little awkward.
#61
Had a full-on relationship of 6 years with the girl they thought was my best friend.
Edit: I’m a girl.
#62
When I was in college, I had a t*******e with two women that I met on a study abroad trip – in a hostel in Italy. I left the hostel and met another girl at a bar and ended up staying the night with her at her hotel and didn’t go back to the hostel until the next morning. I went out with one of the original two girls on dates several times over the next week and never told her about the hotel girl.
Looking back on that week – I feel like kind of a dirty a*****e and I also sort of which I could be 22 years old again! Haha
Sometimes I can’t believe how irresponsible I was at that age. I got married and started having kids a little later than average (late 30s). I would’ve been such a s****y parent at that age.
#63
Definitely drink more than they think.
#64
I would never tell my family that I secretly like wearing womens panties.
#65
I write incest erotica for a living. They know I’m a writer, but not of what. 😅.