The truth—no matter how hurtful—is always preferable to lies. But that still doesn’t take the sting out of it. Learning the truth about the people closest to you can shake the very foundations of your life.
A young woman, u/ThrowRA_notcool1, went on the r/TrueOffMyChest community to share how devastated she was to learn that her little brother’s dad is actually her fiancé. Scroll down to read the full story, an important update, and see how the internet supported the author.
We reached out to the author of the viral story, u/ThrowRA_notcool1, and she was kind enough to answer a few questions about the tough situation.
It can be heartbreaking to realize that your relationship with your sibling isn’t quite what you thought it was
Image credits: nastuffa / Envato Elements (not the actual photo)
A devastated woman shared how she broke off her engagement after finding out that her little brother’s father was her fiancé. Here is her story
Image credits: gpointstudio / Envato Elements (not the actual photo)
Image credits: cottonbro studio / Pexels (not the actual photo)
Image credits: s_kawee / Envato Elements (not the actual photo)
Image credits: ThrowRA_notcool1
The internet was very supportive of the young woman and offered her lots of practical advice
According to the author, the internet has been more than helpful after she shared her story online. “The Reddit community has been wonderful and supportive. Honestly, they have helped me like a mini therapy session,” u/ThrowRA_notcool1 opened up to We.
“I have had a lot of good advice, such as what to write when I blast my mom and ex, as well as ideas about moving abroad.”
We asked her whether there were any subtle signs before that might have meant her ex had been unfaithful to her. However, there were none.
“There weren’t any red flags at all that I noticed. I asked my friend if she noticed something that I missed and she didn’t either,” the author shared.
We was also interested to know whether the author believed that she’d be able to have some sort of relationship with her little brother in the future.
“I have no idea. At the moment, although I miss him a lot, I can’t see him, it would hurt too much. I hope I can be strong enough later on but not sure when that would be,” she said.
“I’m still a mess and trying to figure things out. I still don’t know the whole picture, especially from my mom’s side,” she said that she hopes to update her story further if she has the mental space in the future.
Some people cheat because their needs are unmet while others do so because they lack empathy and have the opportunity to be unfaithful
The author’s situation is incredibly complicated and sensitive. Learning that your (seemingly) trustworthy partner was unfaithful to you is enough to shatter your world. Finding out that they slept with your own mother is worse.
But worse still is learning that they had a child together who you’ve been looking after like any loving sibling would. The woman’s desire to completely cut off all contact is understandable: the people she loved turned out not to have her interests at heart.
Telling her the truth earlier would have been just as devastating, but it would have been the right thing to do. She would not have felt like she’d wasted years of her life living a lie.
People cheat for very different reasons, but they’re often related either to their unmet needs or deep personal insecurities. Someone who lacks confidence, wants to be desired/seem attractive, or has other hangups from their past might take any opportunity to cheat when it’s presented to them.
Alternatively, the cheater might have very little empathy for the people in their lives. Or they’re very short-sighted and might not care about the consequences of their actions, whatever they might be.
Other individuals are unfaithful because their current partners don’t meet their emotional or physical needs. Still, others might feel neglected or angry with their significant others and use cheating as a way to punish them.
There’s no guarantee that someone who has been cheated on will ever forgive their partner
Moving past infidelity is not a given. Everything depends on a lot of factors. From your and your partner’s backgrounds, relationship dynamics, and history together to their character and realistic willingness to change.
Rebuilding trust, even if it doesn’t work out in the end, starts with accepting how one’s actions have affected the people around them and taking full responsibility for the consequences.
It’s really important not to look for excuses or other people/factors to blame for the affair. Openness, honesty, responsibility, and transparency—without them, there can be no trust in the future.
That being said, nobody should feel forced to forgive their partner’s infidelity. Whether or not forgiveness happens is a personal decision. It’s natural to feel anger, grief, sadness, disappointment, and even fear after what happened.
Those feelings shouldn’t be repressed. However, if those same feelings massively impact your daily life in a negative way, it might be best to speak to a therapist and work through them. Mental health professionals don’t do all the work for us (we still have to do all the emotional heavy lifting!), but they guide us and help reframe our experiences to heal and empower us.
Part of the healing process involves accepting the truth of what happened and how we feel about it
Psychotherapist Virginia Gilbert notes that acknowledging one’s feelings and facing the infidelity head-on is part of the healing process.
“Denying your feelings is an extreme response to trauma. Naming and feeling your different emotions will help ground you in reality and allow you to move through the experience of discovering infidelity,” the expert told Stacey Freeman, writing in Psychology Today.
“The best way to heal from betrayal trauma is to practice radical acceptance, get clear about boundaries, and develop a betrayal recovery plan with qualified professionals.”
According to Gilbert, a common response is to replay the traumatic event in our minds. “Searching for more clues, laying out a suspected timeline of the infidelity, trying to figure out why your spouse did what they did, or how you can prevent getting hurt again.”
The psychotherapist pointed out that this sort of detective work will not allow you to heal, nor will it stop you from getting hurt in the future. “It will just keep you stuck in a never-ending rerun of the event that traumatized you.” Instead, it’s vital to focus on the things that one can control, like self-care and one’s own behavior.
The author interacted with some internet users and shared some more context and thoughts in the comments
Here’s what some other readers had to say after reading the full family drama
