When it comes to family, it’s fair to say you’re expected to go the extra mile. Not setting boundaries, though, can lead to a situation where you’re continuously taken advantage of. The result? Resentment that gradually builds up over time.
One guy who came home from work exhausted let his sister know he wasn’t up for babysitting duty that night. She responded by calling him selfish before getting their mom involved. He’s since asked an online community if refusing to babysit makes him a jerk.
More info: Reddit
RELATED:You’re expected to go the extra mile for family, but this guy was having none of it
Having recently moved closer to his family, he let everyone know that he wasn’t going to become the default babysitter
Despite him clearly setting this boundary, his one sister asked him to babysit his nieces at the last minute so she and her husband could go out partying with coworkers
Knowing full well his sister likes to party into the early hours, he put his foot down and refused to babysit
Steaming mad, his sister got their mom involved, leading the guy to ask netizens if refusing to babysit makes him a jerk
When the 22-year-old childless OP moved closer to his family, he set one clear boundary: he’s not the designated babysitter. With two sisters and five energetic nieces and nephews between them, he feared getting roped into constant childcare, so he made it clear he loves the kids, but he’s got his own life now. Fair enough, right?
The trouble started when one sister, Ana, called asking for babysitting help. She and her husband had plans with coworkers, but the timing couldn’t have been worse. So, exhausted from work and knowing Ana’s parties run late, he politely declined. That’s when the accusations came flying. Ana called him selfish, so he hung up on her.
Then Ana involved their mom, who sided with her and insisted that Ana would “do the same for him,” suggesting he just tough it out. OP, however, stood his ground. He reminded them that he had warned them beforehand and then turned off his phone for some peace. Cue the incoming waves of family drama.
Now, OP’s caught between being called the “selfish uncle” and protecting his boundaries. While some friends understand his position, others think he overreacted. OP’s left wondering: should he have just said yes to keep the peace, or was it right to draw a line before getting walked all over?
From what he tells us in his post, OP literally used the word “boundaries” when it came to being the designated babysitter – he couldn’t have been any clearer on the matter. So, how should he handle his entitled and stubborn sister? We went looking for answers.
In her article for Psychology Today, Abigail Brenner writes that family members are often the most challenging to deal with, because they’re linked to us in a more complex and intimate way.
According to Brenner, with difficult acquaintances like friends, lovers, neighbors or colleagues, you may have to deal with them for a time, but with family, we are almost obligated to go beyond reasonable limits for the sake of the integrity of the family group.
Brenner suggests several strategies to deal with difficult family members, including not trying to fix them, being present and direct, encouraging the person to express themselves, watching for trigger topics, and remembering that your own well-being comes first.
Both OP’s sister and his mom responded to his refusal by trying to guilt-trip him. What’s the best way to cope with this tactic? In her article for WebMD, Robin. D Stone suggests checking in with yourself, calling it as you see it, and telling the guilt-tripper to respect your right to say no.
If OP is going to know any relief, it seems he’s going to have to reiterate his boundaries to his family once again, or at least come to a compromise that involves no last-minute demands.
What would you have done if you’d found yourself in OP’s shoes? Do you think he acted like a jerk, or is his family barking up the wrong tree? Let us know your opinion in the comments!
In the comments, readers swiftly concluded that the guy was not the jerk in the situation and is under no obligation to babysit his nieces, no matter what his mom says
