Long-distance relationships are tricky. You spend months, and sometimes years, getting to know someone through a screen, crafting this perfect image of what your future together might look like. And then, finally, the big moment arrives: meeting in person. But what happens when that long-awaited reunion doesn’t go as planned?
Today’s Original Poster (OP) learned this the hard way after flying from the U.S. to Canada to meet his online girlfriend, only to find himself spending more time alone in his hotel room than with her.
More info: Reddit
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The author met this girl online and they clicked, but he couldn’t seal the deal without meeting her in person first
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He traveled to Canada so he could meet her, but she was so anxious that it took her two hours to prepare to meet him
Image credit: ThrowRATheUsed
They couldn’t do a lot of things because of her anxiety, so he ended up being alone in his hotel for the most part
Image credit: ThrowRATheUsed
When they eventually went out, she invited her brother too, and they ended up going to a party
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She barely spoke with him at the party, and after, she asked her brother to take him back to his hotel
Image credit: ThrowRATheUsed
This left him feeling upset, so he sent her a text expressing how he felt to which she apologized and mentioned her anxiety was still through the roof
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In an update, the author mentioned that he ended up having dinner with her mother which was great as she was doing much better
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He also added that she was on medication and was going to therapy, and that the last day of his trip was much better
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In all, he decided that he would be cautiously optimistic about the relationship, and that they would be seeing one another again in a few months
For months, the OP and his girlfriend had been the perfect match, at least online. They bonded over the same interests and deep conversations. She even started introducing him to friends and family as her “boyfriend”. Naturally, the next step was meeting in person. And so, he booked a flight and made the trip to finally be with her.
However, the moment he arrived, reality hit hard. His girlfriend’s anxiety, something she had previously mentioned, became a major obstacle. It took her two hours just to drive five minutes to meet him, and even then, she was overwhelmed with nerves. Their time together was limited, disjointed, and far from the romantic reunion he had envisioned.
Instead of spending quality time with his girlfriend, he found himself alone in his hotel for the most part. When she did invite him out, it was to a group event where they barely interacted. Even after she reassured him that she was still interested, her actions told a different story.
When she finally had a chance to spend the rest of the night with him, she instead asked her brother to drop him off at his hotel. With only one day left in his trip, the OP couldn’t shake the feeling that he had traveled all this way only to feel like a stranger.
To understand why the OP’s girlfriend may have struggled with in-person intimacy despite their strong online bond, We reached out to clinical psychologist Florence Okezie, who explained that severe anxiety can make real-life closeness feel overwhelming. She explained that the digital space offers a sense of control, and so face-to-face meetings can trigger fears of vulnerability or a loss of independence.
“Many people with social or attachment-related anxiety worry about being ‘too much’ or ‘not enough’, leading to avoidance or emotional withdrawal,” she explained. Some may even experience sensory overload or panic, as in-person interactions remove the protective barrier of distance.
When we asked how one can support a partner with anxiety while maintaining a healthy relationship, Okezie emphasized the importance of balance. “I believe in offering reassurance, but don’t take on the role of a therapist. It’s not your job to ‘fix’ them,” she advised.
Suppressing personal feelings to avoid triggering a partner’s anxiety can lead to resentment, so setting clear boundaries is also very key. She also suggested understanding their triggers and coping mechanisms can help the partner be empathetic, but both partners must ensure that emotional support doesn’t come at the cost of their own well-being.
For those struggling with anxiety, Okezie suggested that it’s very important to ease into in-person relationships gradually. “Start with low-pressure meetups, like a short coffee date instead of an all-day event,” Okezie recommended.
Video calls can also serve as a helpful transition step before meeting in person, she added before emphasizing open and honest communication about one’s anxiety and the extent of it.
Netizens expressed skepticism about the relationship’s future, pointing out that the girlfriend’s severe anxiety either needs treatment or might be an excuse to avoid in-person interaction. However, some also suggested giving her one final chance to make the most of their last day together, while others bluntly concluded that she was content with an online-only relationship.
What do you think about this situation? Would you be willing to continue a relationship where you rarely get to spend time together in person, or is that a dealbreaker for you?
Netizens were quite skeptical about the relationship as many of them believe that the girlfriend is only into online dating
