Weddings have their share of unspoken rules, and near the top of the list is this: never outshine the couple of the hour. Guests are expected to look nice, of course, but not so nice that it becomes a problem.
This woman kept that in mind when choosing her outfit, settling on a tasteful green designer dress she thought was elegant yet appropriate. The bride’s party, however, decided it looked too expensive and launched a public smear campaign, accusing her of trying to steal the spotlight.
Read on to see how the situation spiraled—and how she responded.
More info: Reddit
RELATED:The woman arrived at the wedding in an elegant green dress, careful not to draw too much attention
The bridal party, however, took issue with her look and made their disapproval loud and clear
What do wedding planners say about the idea of ‘upstaging’ the bride?
In many cultures, showing up to a wedding in an outfit that draws even a hint of attention away from the couple is considered poor form.
In the U.S., where this story took place, the sentiment is widely shared. According to YouGov, 77% of adults believe that wearing something more extravagant than the couple is a red flag. And it makes sense, after all, this is their special day, their love story being celebrated. Naturally, they should have the spotlight.
However, not everyone agrees that the idea of “upstaging the bride” still holds weight.
“It is a dated concept,” wedding planner Illy Elizabeth told Metro. “In all my years of experience I’ve never had a bride be upstaged.”
“Proper etiquette is allowing the bride to have her day and what is truly important to remember on wedding day is it’s about the love of the couple and their love for the people in the room,” she explained.
Interestingly, she added that it’s often not guests, but bridesmaids, who unintentionally add stress.
“This can happen when a bridesmaid thinks they are helping by interfering with the planning of the event,” she said. “It’s because they are not used to what goes on behind the scenes. The bridesmaid then causes stress upon the bride by letting her know what things are ‘wrong’ when they are not wrong at all. However, it’s just that the bridesmaid is unaware of what is really going on.”
When it comes to fashion, Illy prefers a more relaxed approach. She notes that many couples today aren’t too concerned with traditional style rules. Still, she advises guests to check in with the couple ahead of time to make sure everyone’s on the same page.
Luxury and celebrity wedding planner Liz Taylor takes a more traditional stance. In her view, there’s still an unspoken rule about respecting the bride through what you wear.
“Guests should never try to upstage the bride,” she told Metro. “If you are privileged enough to be invited to attend a wedding day, it’s your responsibility to dress in an appropriate style and color.”
That said, Liz also believes in open communication to set expectations clearly.
“I prefer it when couples organize a lovely opportunity to talk through what everyone is wearing,” she advised. “Do this over cocktails or afternoon tea with the bride and groom’s parents, and bridal party in particular. Allow them to choose what styles and colors suit them best, but ask if they refrain from certain styles or colors you don’t want. Most respect this.”
In the end, choosing what to wear to a wedding shouldn’t be a source of stress. A little courtesy and common sense usually go a long way. OP’s story may have taken a dramatic turn, but thankfully, moments like that are rare. Most guests just want to celebrate love—not compete with it.
The woman later posted the dress that sparked the entire incident
Commenters felt the bride’s response felt unnecessarily dramatic
She eventually shared one final update on how the situation ended
It left many concerned for the groom, with some even urging him to leave his wife
