There’s not a lot people won’t do for love, but sometimes there are also limits to what love can conquer. Some couples spend years together, only to split up when big life decisions come knocking at the door.
One woman finds herself torn between love for her Punjabi husband and her own identity after he strongly suggested they relocate to rural India. Fearing the cultural divide and isolation would be too much for her to handle, she turned to netizens for advice.
More info: Reddit
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Her Punjabi husband has suggested relocating to rural India, but she’s less than thrilled about the idea
For one thing, the cultural divide worries her, as does the geographic isolation and language barrier
She’s tried compromising with her husband, but he thinks a wife should follow her husband wherever he goes
Torn between love for her husband and a life of independence, she turned to netizens for advice
When OP married her Punjabi husband, she never imagined he’d ask her to leave behind everything she knew. After three years together in New Zealand, he’s decided they should move to India. She loves him, but the cultural differences and lifestyle changes feel overwhelming. Now, she’s torn between love and personal freedom.
She’s traveled to India before, staying for months at a time, but living there full-time feels like too much of an ask. To compromise, she suggested visiting India for three months a year while her hubby stays longer, but he refused, insisting that a wife should follow her husband. He’s promised her a car and a teaching job, but the language barrier and isolation worry her.
OP’s past visits to India have been challenging. Living in a rural area, she couldn’t go anywhere alone and had to follow strict cultural expectations. Wearing what she liked wasn’t an option, and even small choices—like what to eat or watch on TV—led to judgment from her husband’s family. While OP respects her husband’s culture, she fears losing her individuality and independence.
Now, she feels guilty for not wanting to move but, at the same time, dreads feeling trapped in a life that isn’t hers. She cries often, wondering if she’s being selfish or simply standing up for herself. She’s since turned to netizens for advice.
From what OP tells us in her post, her husband’s stance that a wife should follow her husband’s wishes above all isn’t doing him any favors. He’s also completely ignoring the fact that he and OP are in a cross-cultural relationship that requires mutual respect to navigate. So, what’s the best way forward for the couple? We went looking for answers.
In his article for Psychology Today, Grant Hilary Brenner writes that, while some intercultural couples are more likely to stay together than their culturally matched peers, on average intercultural couples have a 10 percent higher divorce or separation rate.
In her article for VeryWellMind, Katharine Chan writes that cultural differences impact relationship dynamics in various ways, including mental health, gender roles, communication, values and customs, and even food and holidays.
Chan goes on to suggest several strategies for managing culture clash in a romantic relationship, including prioritizing open communication, celebrating cultural diversity, creating shared experiences, and establishing common goals.
Unless OP’s husband adjusts his notions of gender roles to something less traditional, he could risk losing his wife for good. Considering her current state of anxiety, it seems unlikely she’ll be giving up her freedom any time soon.
Wereached out to psychologist Dr. Deborah Hecker to get her take on the situation.
When we asked her how she’d suggest the couple find a compromise given the husband’s traditional view on gender roles, she had this to say, “The solution to the clashing gender role norms lies in the way OP and her husband communicate to one another and create mutual understanding: Both of them need to educate themselves about the other’s cultural values,”
Dr. Hecker adds, “Encourage open dialogue about the differences. Listen empathically to each other’s viewpoints. Be willing to compromise and adapt. Be patient as you work through the challenges. Respect diversity.”
“If fostering communication and respect for the differences does not create deeper understanding, seek advice from a professional who has experience in cross-cultural relationships,” Dr. Hecker concludes.
Would you ever relocate to a country where you don’t speak the language or fully understand the culture for love? Do you think there’s a limit to how much someone should sacrifice for a relationship? Let us know your opinion in the comments!
In the comments, readers warned the woman not to go to India and expressed concern over her husband’s patriarchal tendencies
