There are three things you can count on at every Thanksgiving: good food, family time, and, of course, some inevitable drama. That’s just how it goes.
For this Redditor, the drama came courtesy of her stepmom. After years of passive-aggressive comments and quiet digs made whenever no one else was around, she finally snapped and made it clear she wouldn’t tolerate it anymore. But instead of taking responsibility, her stepmom played the victim, and the fallout ended up dividing the family.
Read the full story below.
RELATED:The woman had been making passive-aggressive comments at her stepdaughter for years whenever no one else was around
On Thanksgiving, she finally snapped back
Holiday gatherings can get heated, but there are ways to lower the temperature
It’s hard to say what it is exactly about family holidays that brings tension to a boil, but that’s just how it is. Whether the conflict is about politics or personal relationships doesn’t really matter. Maybe it’s the gathering of everyone in one room, maybe it’s spending more time together than you’re used to, or simply being tired from all the cooking and tidying. Whatever the reason, many of us aren’t strangers to this kind of showdown.
Rightfully though, it’s good to see that in this case the author stood up for herself and didn’t let something so personal slide. We’re talking about her marriage and her identity, and that cuts deep. Good for her.
At the same time, even in the chaos of Thanksgiving, there are ways to bring the temperature back to normal. Experts have plenty of tips on how to handle tense holiday moments and what’s really happening underneath them.
According to CNBC, family therapist Vienna Pharaon explains that most Thanksgiving blowups don’t start with the food or the topics on the table—they start with long-standing, unresolved pain.
She told CNBC that “families have a way of getting to the pain point and pressing it,” and that these old patterns tend to resurface the moment everyone is together again. Even when you’ve grown and healed throughout the year, she says, those changes often go unrecognized at the holiday table.
Pharaon suggests preparing yourself before you even arrive. Think about how these gatherings usually go instead of how you wish they would. If you know exactly which comment is going to set you off, she recommends having a “canned answer” ready, something that lets you respond without diving headfirst into an argument you can’t win. As she put it, “trying to change a person’s mind who is committed to not changing is a waste of your energy and peace.”
Another therapist, Brittany Stewart, told CNBC that doing something calming beforehand can make a big difference. A short walk, a shower, or anything that helps regulate your nervous system can lengthen your patience later. She also encourages enlisting a sibling or partner ahead of time to help redirect conversations or step outside with you if needed.
Setting a boundary before the meal can also make a big difference. It’s pretty common that just as you’re digging into mashed potatoes, someone decides to drop a bombshell that sets everything off. So instead of bracing yourself for the inevitable awkwardness later, you can simply be direct and let the people in your life know which topics you’d like to avoid.
Stewart even offered a helpful script: “Hey I’m really excited to see you. I’ve been looking forward to having time with everyone. I’d really love if we didn’t talk about the election. I’d love to hear what’s happening in your life. I’d love for us to connect around other things in our lives.”
Still, even with all the preparation in the world, some family members might try to provoke you anyway. If that happens, it’s completely fine to say, right in the moment, that you don’t want to take part in the conversation. Something as simple as “I’m not interested in arguing” works. And if the tension keeps building, you can always excuse yourself from the table and step away for a bit.
North Virginia Family Services also remind us that one of the best tools we have when things get uncomfortable is humor. A little laughter can turn an awkward moment into a surprisingly warm one. If someone starts raising their voice or getting defensive, a lighthearted comment or a quick anecdote can help redirect the energy in the room.
It’s worth remembering that the holidays are a chance to reconnect and genuinely enjoy the time we do get to spend together—at least when the family is on good terms. And while none of these tips can guarantee a drama-free Thanksgiving, they can make it a bit easier to navigate the moments that actually matter.
The woman shared more details in the comments
Many readers agreed she wasn’t at fault for reacting the way she did
One commenter, however, argued that snapping wasn’t justified
