Some folks say it takes a village to raise a kid, but sometimes that “village” means a childfree friend who doesn’t even know how to hold a baby. Friendships are all fun and games until someone throws a baby in the middle.
One minute you’re sharing jokes over brunch, and the next it’s “Hey, can you hold my baby while I shower … for the next 18 years?”
A Redditor found out the hard way that being a supportive best friend apparently means being ready to rock a diaper bag and Frozen songs, even if that was never part of the deal.
More info: Reddit
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One woman refuses to babysit her best friend’s future baby after she decides to use a donor to get pregnant
The woman’s friend is almost 35 years old, so she wants to become a single mom via IVF
The friend assumes the woman will help raise her baby, as being a single mom is difficult, so she assigns her a babysitting role without asking
The woman tells her friend she has no maternal instincts and suffers from anxiety around babies, so she is not comfortable babysitting alone
The OP (original poster) and her friend Mia have been besties for over a decade. No fights, no drama, just sisterly vibes and strong friendship. Mia, who’s always been upfront about wanting to be a mom, with or without a partner, decided it’s finally time to go the donor route.
Bestie OP was fully on board with this plan. She thought Mia would be a wonderful mom and was genuinely excited to support her in every way, except one – babysitting. But the real problem was that Mia seemed to think that support meant “free childcare.”
Our OP made it crystal clear from the start that she has no maternal instincts and wasn’t comfortable watching babies alone. Not because she’s selfish or lazy, but because she struggles with anxiety and sensory issues. And honestly, that’s fair. Not everyone is cut out to deal with a tiny human.
Still, Mia kept dropping hints, but then switched to guilt trips. One minute she was telling sweet stories about other single moms and their “village,” the next she was practically assigning the OP the role of live-in nanny, godmother, and co-parent.
When the OP finally told her bestie once and for all she wouldn’t be babysitting, Mia got visibly upset. But the OP wasn’t cold or heartless – she offered to help in every other way: cooking, cleaning, hospital support, shopping. So, what gives? Why does “no babysitting” get interpreted as “I don’t care about you or your kid”?
Being a single parent is a brave, empowering choice, sure, but it doesn’t entitle anyone to draft friends into free childcare. Choosing parenthood means being responsible for all of it, not outsourcing the hard parts. If you’re preparing to become a single mom, planning helps, big time. Start with the logistics, like finances, childcare options, parental leave, and building a real support network.
Next, get comfy with the idea that you’ll be doing bedtime, sick days, and school projects solo, unless you have explicit help lined up. And yes, emotional prep is key too. Therapy, parenting books, and wine nights with friends, for moral support, not babysitting, go a long way. Choosing this path is empowering, but it works best when paired with actual planning, not assumptions.
If you have to guilt-trip your bestie to help “raise” your baby, you’re doing something wrong. Because guilt-tripping is not a love language; it’s a type of manipulation that sounds like, “If you really cared, you’d do this for me,” or “Everyone else is helping, why not you?” The goal is to make you feel bad for saying no or setting a boundary they don’t like.
It’s a manipulation tactic that shifts responsibility away from the person asking and onto the person resisting. The best defense? Spot it early, stay calm, and repeat your boundary like it’s your favorite playlist. Empathy is great, emotional guilt traps, not so much.
What do you think of this story? Was the poster a jerk for refusing to help her best friend raise her kid? Share your thoughts and comments below!
Netizens side with the woman, saying she is not a jerk for refusing to babysit for her friend, as she decided to become a single mom
