Many people struggle with social interactions. The reasons for that can be various, ranging from introversion to the wrong crowd to simple shyness. As the saying goes — “you never know what the other person is going through.”
So, to shine a light on things like that and to boost empathy, today we wanted to talk about the experiences of shy people that do not get enough attention. To be more specific, we’re going to focus on bad experiences, so more people could understand what influences shy people to be this way. So, let’s dive in, shall we?
More info: Reddit
#1
I was in elementary and took a bus home each day. I missed my stop and I was so terribly shy and quiet the bus driver didn’t hear me. He went on to pick up high school students and didn’t notice I was still on the bus. The high school students were so sweet and kind. They alerted the bus driver and he took me home. My mom was freaking out by the time I got home!
#2
“Ok everyone, before we begin why don’t we go around the room and tell us a little about yourselves.”.
#3
I decided to be brave at a college picnic for students in the pharmacy program. All the tables were occupied, so I confidently went up to a table with a bunch of people and asked if I could join them and I immediately sat down. No one said a word to me. Not one word. I ate as fast as possible and went home and cried. F**k those a******s.
EDIT: It was a picnic. To welcome back students. All the tables were full, and I had a plate full of food. My options were to pick a random group of people, or try to stand up while eating salad and whatnot, or dump my plate and just go home. In retrospect I should’ve picked option #3 but at the very minimum the people I sat with could have made an effort to be polite.
When the conversation turns to be about shyness, quite often people mistake it for introversion. Yes, being shy and being an introvert isn’t the same thing – mind-blowing, isn’t it? In fact, both concepts are so different that using them interchangeably is wrong.
Introversion is a personality trait a person is born with, which doesn’t change going through life. The opposite of it, as you probably know, is extroversion and sometimes people mention the middle ground – ambiversion.
#4
My husband got me to go to a party with him at our friends house, got there, friend hugged me hello, and then said WOW YOU SMELL REALLY GOOD and then I swear to God EVERYONE got up and went I WANT TO SMELL and I was surrounded by people sniffing me seconds after walking in to a party. I wanted to die. It wasn’t even perfume or anything it was my hair oil. If I could afford therapy this would definitely come up.
#5
I am a bit shy when first meeting people so after getting to know me, I often hear “When I first met you, I thought you were such a b***h”. Cool.
#6
In my high school spanish class, some kid screamed “do you ever talk” at me in front of the entire class.
super embarrassing at the time, but hilarious to look back on.
edit: for those curious, i said nothing in response. if only i could go back in time.
The main difference between introversion and extroversion is the energy source. The former charge their batteries by being alone with their thoughts, while the latter get it from social interactions. Scientists think that the difference comes from introverts being born more sensitive to external stimuli, so being social wears them out easier than others.
Granted, introversion, extroversion, and ambiversion all exist on a scale. That means that one introvert might be drained by social situations even faster than the other and all things like that. Most people have elements of both sides of a scale, just one of them usually dominates, and being strictly on one side isn’t really realistic.
#7
Going to a crowded party with one friend who really wanted to drag you along but then disappears.
#8
Mandatory speech class when I was a freshman in college. I’d do the thing, then go back to my dorm and throw up. Really freaked out my roommate (who I barely spoke to). 5 speeches that semester…it was a nightmare.
#9
I was having coffee with a friend one day. We had just been to the gym so I thought I was looking pretty disheveled, but maybe not because a guy came up to us and slid me a piece of paper with his number on it. He said he had seen me while driving by and thought I was beautiful and just had to stop and say hello.
I was so caught off guard (and just naturally awkward around strangers period) that the only thing I could blurt out was “If you think I’m cute now you should see me when I’ve bathed.”
He walked away, my friend laughed. I was embarrassed for days.
Then, there’s shyness. It’s described as a sense of awkwardness that some people have in social situations, whether they approach someone or are being approached themselves. Research shows that shyness is a response to fear, which is influenced by parenting and life experiences. So, unlike introversion, and shyness isn’t something people are born with, but rather something they’re conditioned into.
The common thing among introverts and shy people is that they tend to avoid or limit social interactions, especially rather needless ones. The thing is that the cause for this avoidance is the root of their difference. Shy folks do it out of fear, while introverts out of a natural urge to be alone. So, you see it’s not the same thing, as many people think.
#10
My shy buddy hated ordering coffee at the Starbucks in the Barnes N Noble bookstore.
They cannot accept your order and take your money… they had about 6 questions they have to ask first. She couldn’t stand it.
Her: I’d like a medium coffee
Them:
Do you want light roast or dark roast?
We don’t have medium, we have tall, okay?
Do you need space for cream?
What’s your name?
Are you part of the (bookstore club)?
Are you part of the Starbucks points?
I’m not sure if I’m remembering it right, but I think at least once she panicked and walked away mid interrogation.
#11
I was at a friend’s house, his parents used to scare me. The dad had a thick Asian accent and due to my nerves, I guess I wasn’t paying attention. Didn’t realize the dad was full on asking how I was, and I just stood there awkwardly. I thought he was speaking to his son in Cantonese, i still think about this
I never corrected my boss when she mixed up my name on the first day. I had already introduced myself to some people by my real name, the other half of people my boss introduced me to, called me another. I felt too shy to correct her in front of the group. It just led to more awkward conversations, as the two names were completely different.
#12
Teacher spent 30 mins harassing me for being “too feminine” for a guy. I remamber I was crying while everyone else was laughing at me.
There’s nothing wrong with being either introverted or shy; both are completely valid things. Still, it can come with quite some challenges.
To understand better what kind of bad experiences shy people go through, take a peek at today’s list. It was curated from stories people shared on the Reddit thread under the question “Hey shy people what is your worst experience?”.
#13
Putting a year’s worth of confidence into a job interview, just to be the quiet one after you get the job.
The anxiety dude…
#14
Sat at the back of the class in Spanish, when the teacher from the front asks a question. Being the little nerd I was in school my hand shot up, the teacher then looked over, pointed directly at me and said *”Si, Seniorita”*
I was a very feminine, underdeveloped and late through puberty 15 year old boy with longer than usual hair.
I stopped answering any teachers questions willingly from that point.
#15
Best man speech in front of 100+ people. I knew it was coming almost a full year in advance and agonized over it for basically that entire year leading up to it. I recited it at least 1000 times in my head. It was sheer terror when I went up to do it.
That said, in the end, somehow, I actually did pretty well with it. I received a lot of compliments and they seemed genuine. So the experience itself wasn’t the worst, maybe just the time leading up to it.
Over 12K wrote about their experiences, so we decided to make a list out of the most interesting answers with the intention of shining a light on shy people’s struggles. After all, learning about the internal fights of others can lead to increasing empathy, as you realize that while a person might seem put together on the outside, the storm of fear might be raging inside; you never know.
Do you yourself struggle with shyness? Share your experiences with us and maybe you’ll find other common-minded people to relate to.
#16
I hate video calls. I was going to drive 1.5 hours to my college to talk to a professor in person instead of just video calling to follow up on something.
#17
Went to a party. Guy I’ve never met walks up to me, shakes my hand, and says “hello, what’s your name? Where were you born? Where will you die? What’s in between?” Not letting go of my hand the whole time. I completely locked up, had no idea what to say.
#18
While going to college I interned for the state’s largest business development corporation. In a meeting with c-suite executives the top dog was just making friendly conversation before we got started and asked me what classes I was taking. To set the picture, I am just the peon note-taker and would never expect anyone to even notice that I was there, let alone put me on the spot with a long table of successful professionals staring at me.
I blacked out. Zero brain function. I mumbled a few inaudible grunts and umms before having no choice but to admit that I couldn’t remember. Oh my dog, I wanted to die. The looks of confusion and the awkward century that it took to switch topics amongst themselves still haunts me before bed.
#19
Someone took my order from the shelf at the online order station at chipotle and I waited 45 MINUTES after the time it was supposed to be done before saying anything because I didn’t wanna be rude.
Not the literal worst thing to happen to me, but it is what stopped me from going to chipotle.
#20
My birthday happens during vacation from school and I never failed a subject so I didn’t celebrate with my class before… Until my senior year in college where we got vacation classes in preparation for the board exams. It was a joint class of two sections and our class president took it upon herself to surprise me. Boy was I surprised. I was sitting in front of the class as always (designated seats) and the presendent announced it and the whole room sang happy birthday to me. I am not kidding when I say I sank in my chair until half my upper body was gone and wished the ground would swallow me whole.
#21
Graduating basic training and having to walk across the stage, stop at the mic, execute a left face turn, state my name in the mic with a short pause between first and last name as a cue for the next row of guys to walk up.
I completely f****d it up in front of everyone. Went to shake my drill sergeants hand as a formality of the ceremony and he whispered to me “way to f**k that up in front of everyone, d*****t, f**k off back to your seat.”
I f*****g hate public speaking..
#22
My by far worst experience was living togheter with a roommate. I wasnt able to talk to them and i thought they hate me.
#23
Worst one was probably when someone said why don’t you talk and I just shrugged but they didn’t get the joke and actually thought I was mute.
#24
The worst part of being shy is that other ppl pass you over.
You know, those situations when a teacher/waiter/employee says something, you answer and they dont hear you because you didnt yell it through the room like the most ppl do.
hated that totally. I seems like many ppl pretent you are not there if you dont talk that much, thats disgusting. They literally forget that you exists. Well sorry but I hate being loud.
#25
When you talk and people say things like “oh I didn’t know you could talk” or “this is the first time I hear you talking”.
#26
Had a high school buddy who was sworn to silence to most people even teachers, yet a select few kids he’d talk to. Funniest guy I’ve ever met. Said he’s gone full years without saying a word to his own teachers
Edit: wow thanks for the upvotes and responses! I didn’t think this would get attention. We would get on Xbox and play with him and he’d be the loudest and smack talk EVERYONE, really cool guy wish I kept in touch.
#27
Having to explain our project in a seminar when the one who had to do the task didn’t turn up…was really shaking in the process…
#28
One of the popular girls liked me. I was too shy to do anything about it.
#29
I went to this summer camp at a history museum around 4th grade. The second day they sprung on us that we would have to create a short play about a notable figure of our choice.
I’m already terrified and I make it worse by choosing to do mine on Cai Lun, the dude who invented paper. The “play” ended up being a 30 second monologue that was basically a condensed biography with me wearing these musty silk robes. After I slunk back to my seat, I realized that everyone else did like actual plays with dialogue and plots and stuff.
So embarrassing…
#30
Entering a new place for the first time, be it a shop or a bar or a resteraunt. I’m always play the gentleman and hold the door open for my partner so she can assess the area before I sheepishly shuffle in behind.
#31
Whenever I have to talk upfront at school, but I actually speak loud enough, I just don’t like looking at the people. I’m a really shy person, not so much online, and definitely not shy with my friends.
#32
Oh this time was bad.
I was on my very first date, and I hung out in his bedroom, then I needed the toilet. I pulled off three sheets, but the bit I left had a tear in it, and I thought I’d look like a vandal or something if I left it, so I tore another piece, this also left a tear in the remaining piece so I did it again.
I ended up using half the role just because I was too awkward to leave a tear in the toilet paper…