All parents have their own idea of what it means to raise a child well.
So did this couple, who believed they’d done a pretty good job and were looking forward to celebrating their son’s acceptance into a competitive PhD physics program over dinner.
But the evening took a turn when their son dropped an emotional bombshell. He told them he felt unloved his entire life—convinced they loved each other more than him—and that he no longer wanted to stay in contact.
His father has turned to Reddit for advice on how to deal with the fallout. Read the full story below.
RELATED:The parents thought it would be a night of celebration after their son got into a competitive PhD physics program
But instead, they were stunned when he admitted he’s never felt truly loved and doesn’t want to be in their lives anymore
How having emotionally unavailable parents can impact your adult life
Choosing to step away from your parents is a serious and often painful decision.
But it’s not as uncommon as it might seem. Research shows that around 27% of Americans over 18 are estranged from at least one family member. That’s nearly a third of the adult population.
For many parents on the receiving end of that distance, it can feel bewildering. In their eyes, they did everything they were supposed to: they provided food, shelter, safety, and maybe even went above and beyond by supporting their child’s hobbies or education.
What some fail to realize, though, is that meeting material needs is just one part of parenting. Emotional presence matters too, and its absence can leave lasting damage.
“Growing up with emotionally unavailable parents often leaves a lasting impact that extends into adulthood, shaping how we perceive ourselves and interact with others,” explains Dr. Elena Touroni, a consultant psychologist at the Chelsea Psychology Clinic.
“Despite appearing outwardly fine, you may feel a persistent void or sense that something crucial is missing, stemming from unmet emotional needs. This internal vacuum can lead to difficulties in relationships, self-esteem, and overall well-being.”
According to Dr. Touroni, here are some of the ways that emotional unavailability in childhood can shape adult behavior:
Falling into harmful relationship patterns
When children don’t witness healthy emotional dynamics at home, they may grow up without a clear understanding of what love and support should look like. This can lead to repeated involvement in unstable relationships, either as the victim or the aggressor.
Struggling to express emotional needs
If you learned early on that your feelings didn’t matter or were ignored, you might find it difficult as an adult to speak up for what you need. You may withdraw from close connections, undervalue yourself, or have trouble setting healthy boundaries.
Clinginess or emotional overdependence
Emotional deprivation in childhood can lead to intense cravings for affection later in life. You might overcompensate by becoming overly dependent in relationships, which can result in imbalance and strain.
Insecure or disordered attachment styles
The emotional blueprint we develop in childhood often follows us into adulthood. If your parents were distant or inconsistent, it could result in attachment issues that make it hard to trust or feel safe in relationships.
Codependent dynamics
Without steady emotional guidance growing up, you might end up attaching your sense of identity to others. This can create patterns of codependency, where your self-worth hinges on another person’s approval or presence.
People-pleasing tendencies
In an attempt to gain affection or approval, many children of emotionally distant parents become chronic people-pleasers. As adults, they may suppress their own needs and overextend themselves to feel valued.
Possessiveness and jealousy
Fear of being abandoned or replaced can lead to possessiveness, even in non-romantic relationships. This often stems from a deep-seated fear of emotional loss.
Low self-worth
Without consistent affection or reassurance growing up, it’s common to internalize the idea that you’re not lovable. This can manifest as poor self-esteem or feelings of not being good enough.
While no one can rewrite their childhood, healing is absolutely possible.
It starts with recognizing how those early experiences may have affected you. As Dr. Touroni puts it: “It’s important to remember that what happened in your childhood isn’t your fault, and it’s never too late to address any lasting effects.”
Therapy can be a powerful step in unpacking that emotional history. With the right support, you can build emotional awareness, form healthier relationships, and gradually restore your sense of self-worth.
Some readers chimed in with similar experiences
Many sided with the couple’s son, saying his feelings were valid and the parents were in the wrong
One commenter did speak up in defense of the parents
The dad later shared that he had one more meeting with his son and revealed how it went
Most readers agreed the outcome was deserved
With a few others sharing final stories of their own
